09.30.2010 Thursday

Good day. The Wound Center took f-0-r-e-v-e-r but we were on their time and not our own. The doctor had not seen the surgery site for two weeks and he was pleasantly surprised with the progress Dennis is making. Den was disappointed to hear that he has another month of non-weight bearing plodding about, but the doctor reminded him that his foot had been saved and a month is not all that long in the grand scheme of things. True.

I have finally found a publication topic and it promises to be an interesting and engaging one. I also finally rode my bike to campus so that I could go to class at the CMD house on Cardinal Street. I arrived there only to find that that tour is NEXT week, so I huffed and puffed into TCOM601 to hear Michael Holmes explain eye tracking. What interesting research. When I worked at the Indy Center I knew that CMD had a presence there but didn't really understand what. It would have been great to have had that explained better, but I'm not there anymore and neither are they! I received one of the TCOM601 textbooks from Amazon today and it seems to be focused on gaming. I don't have any desire to be a gamer so I'll have to research that aspect of Digital Storytelling. I have a feeling that my interest is going to be specific and possibly on the fringe. Hopefully not too fringe-like. Also started the BF library book about Creativity. I was a tad put off when the author described what isn't creativity and then tried to "sell" his training on what is. This may not be the book for me. Went to sleep when my eyes stopped tracking. Great second week of school!

09.29.2010 Wednesday

Getting better and better at this school thing! Thoroughly enjoyed the Museum presentations. Everyone had valid reason for what worked and didn't for them. I didn't enjoy the bashing by some of pieces that they didn't value. Just because a piece of art doesn't particularly work for you doesn't mean that it won't work for someone else. That's the beauty of art and the devil of marketing it. Sometimes we laugh about bad art being exceptional marketing!! My evening class was more informal as well and engaging and even was done early! Put in a couple of hours at work and basically am thankful to see the end of the tunnel at of a second week back. Dennis is doing well at home though he's starting to slide on the nutrition and I caught him walking in the house without his crutches.

09.28.2010 Tuesday

Juggling....keeping all the balls in the air.....putting out the biggest fire....giving up on doing things well.....just trying to get by....cutting corners....slapping through things....getting through!

I do not do things half way. It's either all or none with me. When I do something it's done and it's done well. The way I pulled today off is totally against my nature, outside of my comfort zone but that's what it's going to take to get back on top of the mountain of schoolwork that is looming like Mt. Kilimanjaro. Took the grandkids to Bible Study but didn't attend (just picked up the hardcopy lesson), reviewed thesis while kids played at McD's playland, got groceries so that Dennis wouldn't try to hobble out and purchase non-diabetic items, worked a few hours, presented thesis critique, prepared two presentations for evening class. Turned in CITI certification, qualitative research proposal and paid the phone bill via phone. Still need to change foot dressing, work on pay-per-view quilt, turn in learning journal and prepare fire extinguisher for tomorrow's fires.

09.27.2010 Monday...gets me down

Too, too much to do. I could not get into gear today. Dishes, housework, mail piling up, so much schoolwork that I don't even know where to start. New quilt calling to be completed for a newly wed couple who were married on August 28th. Could not cope with the amount of stuff yelling to be done, so I wanted only to curl up and sleep. Thought I had scheduled a massage for this morning, which I really, really needed, but when I got to the therapist's house found out that the appointment is actually NEXT week. Managed to pull myself together enough to get a presentation ready for afternoon class, but went to the class looking like a scank and running late. When putting the coins in the parking meter, a guy a couple of cars away asked if he could ask me a favor. He indicated that his financial aid had not come through and would not be processed for two more weeks. He had to withdraw from school and he was out of gas. Because I had gotten cash for my massage, I had bills in my purse, so I gave him a $20 and trusted that he was indeed in dire straights. My hope is that he will pay it forward and help someone out himself. A series of emails with one of my professors who shared the trials of one of her pivotal school years. She endured so much more than I am...it snapped me out of the pity party I had fallen into. Perspective is such a good thing. I am so thankful for her sharing and encouragement and that she survived the horrors that she experienced. Tomorrow is another day!

09.26.2010 Sunday Luke Knee Walker Goes to Worship

What a nice day! Special service at church. Dennis debuted his Knee Walker and seemed to thoroughly enjoy being out again. We hung around until late in the afternoon and then Den was exhausted when we came home. I should have hit the books, but couldn't keep my eyes open. I truly feel that I needed an entire day to rest and today really wasn't it. Not ready to start a new week, but thankful to have lived through the first full week of classes. Skyped with the new laptop and found it to be superior to the other two. That's a good thing! Skypeing can be good, but it also doesn't leave anything to the imagination. When the kids or grandkids are upset, there is way to much body language available and sometimes I feel worse after a long Skype than when longing to see the Texas grandkids. I hope someday to just be satisfied!

09.25.2010 Saturday Demagnetizing Day

Jacob French's Birthday. Nice day weather wise. Finished quilting one quilt and got a customer's loaded and ready to go. This is always a tense time, but this one seems to be cooperating. Learned that I can override and overload the bobbins on the external winder. This is big in the number of bobbins it will take to complete a project. Good to know and share.

Cleaned off the cluttered countertop in the garage. Major - major accomplishment. Took all morning, but it looks and feels so good to have a design/work space with some space! I cannot create in a cluttered, disorganized or overloaded space. I wish I could convey this to the people who live here. I know that spaces accumulate clutter (there is some magnetic field that draws it in as surely as there are magnets in young females' heads that is activated just prior to the click of a shutter). I know I am guilty of the above mentioned clutter accumulation, but and this is a BIG BUT....I clean up my own messes because I can't start a project in one. If everyone else did the same I would be so much more productive. I think I will point out this fact the next time I'm nagged to do this....or you didn't do that. It's because I have to free the magnetized objects from every horizontal surface at this address before I can create anything. This is a momentous discovery. One definitely worth recording for the entire world to see!!

09.24.2010 Friday

We all tried to get in touch with Joe today. We wanted to at least wish him an audio birthday greetings. No one has gotten through. I should have gone to work today to make up alot, but ended up running errand and recovering from the first full week of classes. Den and I went to by groceries and ended up too hungry so we tried eating out for the first time at Texas Road House. Even with him only eating 1/2 of a roll, his glucose spiked. They must put sugar in the marinate for the beef. Not a good discovery. Ed and Jane called to report on the trip this morning to the estate attorney. An entire 'nother universe to explore....the legal and financial systems. I'm not sure how I'll ever find the time for the research that goes into this and this is something to have right from the get-go. The more I know...the more I don't!

09.23.2010 Thursday Joe's Birthday

Joseph Jay Londt (Joe Boy) was born 33 years ago. I managed to catch him going to work to sing a cellularly poor edition of Happy Birthday that was not received as I wished. He was in his a highway man cave of concentration about an upcoming assignment that he did not cherish and so he was not receptive to the frivolity of a badly performed birthday greeting. I'll try to reconnect later tonight. Good finish to my first full week of class attendance. Exactly one month after everyone else started school.
On a whim I called Kristen to see if she would like attend a performance at Sursa Hall this evening. She finally agreed so I went to get our freebie tickets while she drove from home. Lesson learned, tickets picked up after 6:00pm are no longer free. We had an amazingly good time at the concert and finished the night at Qdoba having good food and good conversation. I learned tonight that I have to exposed to many different arts to keep my creativity sharp. The musical performance, though not what I thought nor would have selected,nonetheless was inspiring and refreshing and a great resource that BSU offers and few consume willingly. This entry completes the reconstruction of the last month's events in a bizarre fall wrought with medical drama and we have survived it in tack. Amazing..... :^)

09.22.2010 Wednesday

Having survived yesterday, I took on Hump Day with determination. Dennis' glucose is starting to creep up as he is now feeding himself and thinking he's little missteps won't be detected. Glucose is concrete in it's ability to monitor intake/output. This doesn't help my concentration in class...wondering what he's eating and knowing that there is no one to blast him out of his recliner. If I could just invent a timer that would gradually make the chair heat up or the upholstery becoming scratchy so that the sitter would have to get out of it! There's some creativity in practice.

Classes today were good and I'm slowing making a space for myself in already established cohorts of grad students. It's fortunate that both TCOM classes have nearly identical rosters. My adult ed courses are what I expected and it's good to have the familiar along with the new. Have finally started to get organized (a mess cleaned up) so that I can start catching up. I know that I talk about doing something too much before actually doing it, but it seems that I need to hear about it enough to actually decide that it will happen.

The Myers-Briggs lecture was inspiring and makes me want to dig out old surveys to see how I've changed.

09.21.2010 Tuesday Forgotten Anniversary

OK...here we go.
Picked up Gnap grandkids and headed to Bible Study (check)
Fed kids at McD's bought missing grandkid a toy (check)
Stopped at orchard and picked up local apples (check)
Dropped kids off at Gilbert Street and was sucked into a word fight with James (check and wished I could uncheck!)
Went to work (check)
Went to class (check)
Cranked out presentation for evening class (check)
Attended evening class (check)
Fell into bed (priceless)

Added later: Totally forgot about Joe and Heidi's 8th wedding anniversary. This is not good.

09.20.2010 Monday

My exhaustion of yesterday continued to this morning. I simply could not focus...felt totally spent from the shear activity of the past week. I should have jumped out of bed and hit the week head on, but I could not do it. Ended the day feeling that it was a waste, but I've discovered in the last few years that without adequate time to regroup, I do more damage and waste MORE days later on than if I just deal with the need for down time when it's needed. So today was non-productive but perhaps therapeutic.

BTW The one thing I did accomplish was purchasing an Acer laptop at Wal-mart. I finally decided to go cheap/disposable rather than MAC and pricey. This piece of equipment makes me want to get back at school. That's a good thing....

09.19.2010 Sunday Walker-Londt Reunion

Everyone slept better last night. More people were departing this morning so more good byes exchanged and plans for the next visits made. We were the last to leave and the combing of the property for things left took longer than usual. We tiptoed into the back of Gr/Gr Cole's church service which was full to overflowing.
Even though we had seen most of the Walker-Londt (so named because Clyde Walker married Lorabelle Londt and Dorothy Walker married Howard Londt-- brother married sister and sister married brother) the reunion was slated to meet this afternoon at the Wolf Lake Community Park. We decided to attend even though all of our children headed to their respective homes. Dennis wanted to go because this is his family and I agreed to avoid all that is awaiting me in Delaware County. Again, it was a beautiful day and Ed decided to drive an antique John Deere A to town for all the enjoy. It was a very, very pleasant day. Again, Den's glucose held steady because I selected his food. We had a leisurely trip to Muncie and enjoyed a wonderfully beautiful day. When we arrived at Royal Oak I realized how exhausted I was and promptly took a nap. A quiet evening finished out a very full weekend celebrating a full life. Her passing spurns me to make sure that life histories are in place for everyone.

09.18.2010 Saturday Dorothy's Funeral

We were so late yesterday and Ed explained that fact set the tone with the Funeral Director. He didn't say too much about it but his body language said to me, loud and clear, be on time or else. There was drama on River Road as Kelly had a gall bladder attack at about midnight and she and her husband and Grandma Cole went to ER because the pain was so intense. I "slept" with her kids and everyone was restless. We got everyone up early and ate breakfast and headed to the church. I experienced a moment of panic as we were the first one's there. No funeral home personnel, no pastor, no family...just us. I was fearful that I had committed the wrong information to memory, but then realized that it may have been a faux time given for my benefit. Needless to say, we were there bright and early.
I was amazed at people from high school who came to pay their respects. Many carved precious time out of a very packed weekend to attend and it meant much to hear their stories and memories and just to spend a few minutes with each of them. The funeral was perfect. The pastor of the small church that Howard and Dorothy attended for about 15 years knew them well. He stated that parishioners in assisted living/nursing homes have the time to get to know their pastor's better because of the organized visits and their slower pace of life. Pastor Cecil definitely knew Dorothy's quirks and characteristics. He had just the right amount of humor, hope and evangelism. I didn't hear that anyone was offended. The service was just the right amount of time and granddaughter Michelle read (and made it through) an excellent tribute to her Grandmother that spoke all of the grandchildren.
The gravesite service was touching with her grandsons and grand sons-in-laws as pall bearers. One bit of drama was when the Pastor was tripped up and fell against her headstone. He said that she would think it funny that his blood (scraped finger) was shed in her going home service. The weather was absolutely perfect. Bright sunny day, light breeze and perfect temperature. All examples of why fall is my favorite time of the year. The church lunch was enjoyable and Dennis was able to eat comfortably with foods that I selected for him. The foot is a good excuse for someone else to fill his plate. That may be a nutritional/dietary breakthrough for us. When going through a buffet line, have someone else fill your plate. They will get what you SHOULD eat rather than what you want to eat! Many people were starting their treks home so good byes were said and everyone went their own ways. Kelly and Grandma were exhausted from the ER night and Kelly's continuing discomfort (she refused admission because this hospital was out of network!)
River Road was quiet and I spent the afternoon chatting with Joe and whomever ventured out to the pergola. A quiet rain fell in late afternoon. A quick trip to Kendallville for medical supplies also included a trip to check on Grandpa Pyle (97) in his nursing home. He was remarkably smaller and more frail. He may not make it to his goal of 100. If he does, it will be truly amazing. Seeing him was just about more than I could take on this visit. I'm not sure if our visits to him are enjoyable or a nuisance. His inability to communicate without a massive amount of effort seems too hard on him. The house filled with the Cole side of the family for an evening meal and the medical theatre that ensued when Peg changed Den's dressing successfully. A nice evening with a full house and none of the drama that I avoid. (see earlier post)

09.17.2010 Friday Calling in Columbia City

A mad rush of activity around here to make the trip north a reality. The Gnaps left early in the morning with Kristen. James and Holly are driving themselves after her nursing study session and I am doing all the packing, etc to get Dennis moved. I am a bit apprehensive about changing the foot dressing with my RN sister, but I asked many many questions yesterday of Connie and she was gracious to explain the entire procedure and encouraging that I could make it happen. I'm definitely not looking forward to this long weekend, but grateful for the required time spent with family we don't see often. The Texas Londt's had an uneventful flight to Chicago and called as they were picking up their rental car. We eventually left Muncie at the exact time we were supposed to be at the calling. I don't even bother calling anymore....it's just assumed that I, and all those in my car, will be late. Wise family members have started to give me a faux time that is thirty minutes earlier than the actual start time. I know why I do this. It's the history of friendly family gatherings gone bad. I've watched as stupid, irrational drama envelope those I'm closest to causing immense distress and discomfort to all parties and I am powerless to fix the situation. By being late, I am the object of disgust and it keeps family members from picking on each other. It's beyond a perfectionistic time management issue all the way to a martyr complex. Hey, that "Be Your Own Shrink" (Dr. Kevin Lehman) is working!!
So we arrived one hour into the calling and the place was packed. Dorothy's body was acceptable but it really didn't look like she used to. Ed said that the funeral home did a remarkable job with her compared to her last days and he's going to start going to them NOW for weekly makeovers. He's sold! There really weren't many tears. Den's dad (Howard) who passed away ten years ago from a massive heart attack was mourned hard. His passing, being the first and more desirable parent, was tragic to all of us. We had no chance to say good bye or any chance for closure. No one suspected Dorothy's Alzheimer's at that time and we all felt badly that she was left alone. Although she complained about him incessantly, he was her rock and may have hidden her condition, though we don't suspect any ill will on his part. So comparing the two funerals, Dorothy's is definitely more of a life celebration and Howard's was a ripping away of a life.

The funeral home director proved to be the person I suspected. She rubbed my immediate family all the same way and it was not good. I'm glad that I don't have to be the one to deal with her. Ed and Peg seem OK with her so maybe it's just a personality thing. Late evening. The Texas Londt's took some wrong turns and actually arrived after us. We all retired to Albion and River Road. Another universe has taken presidence...not medicine, not grad school, not real life, but death and it's rituals and rules and protocol. I hope Dorothy is pleased with the way we are all conducting ourselves....but I doubt it.

09.16.2010 Thursday Dorothy's Birthday

Today would have been the birthday of Dorothy Walker Londt. She would have been 85. She only missed it by two days. This is sad, but that will actually make two sad anniversaries into one. Next year shouldn't be overwhelming.

We made the trip to Anderson and did indeed find a Knee Walker that is adequate. We decided on the rental option in case it doesn't work as well as the show room experience. I just wanted something at the funeral and calling that is easier to navigate than crutches. Still working on arrangements and cancellation of the premier and notification of my absence from the Living Lightly Fair. It takes awhile to make normal life stop and our life had not really been normal. Wound Center trip was much faster and went smoothly. Academics are the farthest thing from my mind. I hope I can get back into it after this weekend is over. My mom volunteered her house as a base camp for the weekend. All of us will be descending on her. I hope she remembers how many of us there are. We can be daunting.

09.15.2010 Wednesday

I went to my night class last night, but it was a waste of time because I could not concentrate. I did listen to the guest lecture, but I was thinking of all the other things to be accomplished this week. The calling is set for Friday, the 17th with the funeral on the 18th. The conference call with the funeral home personnel was a bit macabre with the funeral director very familiar and light about the whole affair. I'm sure she is quite callous to such arrangements but it smacked of disrespect to call Dorothy "mom" and laugh about the dollar amounts she had indicated for services rendered. I just had a bad gut reaction to this woman. I hope she is just an administrator and not in customer service. I have started assembling wardrobes and making plans for pet care and other arrangements to move the entire family north for an extended weekend. Joe and Heidi will not have to change their flights to come and they will get to bring their youngest child as Lizzy can still fly for no fee. (Heidi did check into seats for Abby and Joey but the cost was excessive and the other grandchildren are not attending the actual funeral anyway.) We went to the medical supply shop in Muncie to look for a knee walker similar to one used by a classmate. The Muncie model was so antiquated that it was more work to use than crutches. It was close to the close of the business day so we'll take a trip tomorrow to Anderson to see what's available at St. John's. It's good to be busy.

09.14.2010 Tuesday Dorothy's Passing

Arrived at Gilbert Street by 8:10am. Aaron had forgotten that this was the start of the BSF year so I helped get the kids ready and we were out the door by 8:35am. Had a nice trip to New Castle and Mackenzie was most anxious to go to her new class. Cole was anxious too, but anxious about being left not about new friends. I have a very chatty group of ladies in my section. I was attending the lecture portion of the day and checking emails on my phone when I got a text that Dorothy had passed away at 10:45am. Dennis received the news from Jane who was with her. Ed missed being by her side by a mere two minutes. A long traffic light prevailed. I couldn't help but cry at her passing. It was no secret that we didn't see eye to eye, but the finality of this event always leaves me empty. I have no other details at this time except that it was peaceful and so begins the mourning of a life lost to Alzheimer's. I'm so glad that we have the DVD of her memories produced last spring. I thought it was premature but it proves to be very timely.
I didn't tell the Gnap children as I thought it best for their parents to explain death in a way they felt most comfortable. I would have liked to have been with Dennis when he received this news. He doesn't seem particularly troubled or sorrowful about it. He just keeps saying that she is at peace. The rest of the day was filled with phone calls and preparations and notifications. Dorothy had most of her funeral wishes recorded and a portion of the fees pre-paid. That helps alot and also knowing that she died in the manner she prescribed also gives us ease. James really wants to be a pall bearer. This is a right of passage for him. He really loved his Grandma Londt and she seemed to reciprocate this to him. They had a mutual love of food...she with cooking and he with eating and that worked for the mutual benefit of both.

09.13.2010 Monday Gearing Up for the Week!

Spent today getting ready for the rest of the week. Tomorrow starts the morning Bible Study in New Castle that I have committed to attending with Mackenzie (5) and Cole (2). Kendall (3.5) goes to pre-school that day so she cannot attend. I really really am going to require quite a bit of positive self talk as the nagging doubts about life vs grad school continue to occupy my mind. This seems to be clouding my ability to go back to school and participate with any degree of intelligent thought. The thought of being so far behind is terrifying. My all-or-nonedness is dictating that this is too much to accomplish in a temporal plain. I'm just going to have to talk myself out of this or as my mom so frequently admonishes to "get happy"! Watched the kids so Kelly could interview in Fishers. Sometimes creativity is required when dealing with your own thoughts, doubts and misgivings.

09.12.2010 Sunday Second Sunday

Den wasn't ready to field the questions at church so I went alone. It was my Sunday to teach the oldest class. I really enjoy them and their wisdom and insight. They were genuinely interested in his travails and wanted to offer support with Dorothy's struggles. So many of them have lost spouses and children and knowing that they've come through it is encouraging. I dashed home to get Dennis fed. He is appreciative of what I'm feeding him and cooperating with his dietary constraints. It is good to have the time to attend to this nutritional demands. It is pretty much a full time job. I'm going to have to come up with some creative way to engage him in his own nutritional needs. He tends to (left to his own devices) concentrate on the things forbidden to him rather than exploring the immense selection of things that he CAN eat! It's a matter of perspective or focus, but I don't know how to change someone else's focus. Possibly by example...or a kick in the pants....or making a game of it? He's not great candidate to embrace new technologies (IPods have food apps and calorie and carb counting)...he has no interest in computing in general anymore (numbness in the hands from chemo and fistual installation). He loves TV but I haven't found shows or channels dedicated to nutritional education...I think the tv does more damage with the barrage of food commercials. He doesn't read very much anymore and definitely does not respond to nagging. He hates (actually refuses) to a dietary journal or log book. He can't remember his insulin dosing. I need to find him a younger diabetic to mentor and that would help him teach himself. Yikes....this is going to take some major creativity, finesse, and "man" handling to make this work. I can't serve him every meal nor can I monitor every morsel that goes into his mouth. I'm going to have to get some buy in from him. hmmmmmm....this is serwious (Wonder Pets)

09.11.2010 Saturday

Strange Day. The massive news coverage on the anniversary of the attacks has made for a strange aura. We had another garage sale (which is just a clever disguise to get stuff out into the driveway for a short stay before it is all loaded up on a truck and sent for a lovely ride to Goodwill). We enjoy the family time during the sale and meeting people who are lured into our driveway by the signage. It's a good thing. Not lucrative by any means, but it's a lot less painful way for a "saver" to get rid of stuff that has made an appearance in a retail arena before going the non-profit route to the home of someone else.

More sorting and shifting of things around in the house. More quilting. More phone calling about Dorothy.

09.10.2010 Friday Doubts

My folks did stop on their way home from Missouri. They looked great! Rested and enjoying each other's company. Dad had a good laugh about our construction technique in the garden shed but he wasn't critical, just humored. Mom told us of their adventure in medicine in Missouri and they both told stories of their vacation. It was good to see them relaxed.
They thought that Dennis looked better than expected and as it was time for him to eat we chatted while I cooked his lunch. They had eaten a late breakfast so they stayed just a short time and headed for home.

I'm having real doubts about Grad School. Things are going well when I'm at home and seem to become disasters when I'm away. This is not pride or arrogance on my part, I don't get any kind of fulfillment from this situation. It is just the opposite. I wished the household could operate successfully without my presence. It seems that a house with adults should be able to care for themselves and each other. Granted we are 2 full time students and a disabled person, but it just seems that it should work. I don't know if I'm being told to quit (which if it's God telling me to quit...I'd be a complete fool to ignore that) however if this is just a trial that "too shall pass" I'd be a fool to give up prematurely. I love being at home and I equally love being a student and engaged on campus. It is quite the dilemna. I need to get Dennis engaged in something. (more rehashing from yesterday...but that's the way I operate....think about it and think about it and talk about it and talk about it until I'm sick about it and then I'll figure out a way around or through it!) Is this actually a very long painful way to be creative?????? Friday night is my normal veg out night. We tried to Skype with Texas Londt's and couldn't make the audio work. Veg out we did, figuratively and nutritionally. I hope I can keep Den's glucose reading as good as they've been. It's obvious that he is not good at managing his own diet....unfortunately, a quick glance at my waistline reveals that I'm not good at managing my own either, I'm just fortunate enough (or genetically geared) toward a healthier existence.

09.09.2010 Thursday Wound Clinic Debut

Arrived on time at the Wound Clinic on West Jackson. We were warned that this would be a long visit and they did not disappoint. We started with Nurse A who did her assigned tasks and then passed us off to Nurse B who was followed by the Doctor and his personal nurse who yielded to Nurse D (Connie) who redressed the wound and sent us to the administrative personnel. This all took about 3 hours! Connie was very personable and revealed that she was working on a photo book surprise so she and I shared insights into that production piece and Dennis seems to enjoy the distraction of someone not pestering him for pain scale measurements or other medical questions.
We had a late lunch and were both exhausted with yet another sojourn into the medical galaxy. This should probably be a captain's log...star date whatever. Sometimes it really feels that we're in outer space.

Joe and Heidi were given frequent flyer miles from their friend Mike (who is on assignment in Abu Dabi) and they plan on a mutual birthday weekend in Chicago on Sept 17-19th. That will be strange to have them so close yet too far to visit on such a busy weekend. With the premier of "Pat's House" slated for that Saturday and the Living Lightly Fair, it's just going to be a crazy weekend. The Walker-Londt Reunion is on Sept 19th also. Can we possibly get anything else in one weekend?

09.08.2010 Wednesday The G.A. Returns

Made to my GA job today to hear a lecture by the CEO of Hunt Group, Inc. A BSU grad who runs the largest sports arena construction company. This is a family business with the third generation in charge. It was an interesting lecture though the facility left much to be desired a cramped classroom overflowing with students all straining to hear since the doors couldn't be closed. Mr. Hunt was unfortunately soft spoken, but well spoken. It was so good to forget about my life for even a few minutes and hear about real-world events. Good to be actually on the clock. I worked on settling in to the new office on the edge of the woodshop and the task of acclimating to a new office mate. Bryan is rather verbose and friendly...probably also curious about where the heck I've been. Went to TCOM610 AND my evening class. That was alot for a first day back. I definitely need a laptop. Dorothy is holding her own. Ed and Jane have cut their Wisconsin visit short to be back at the nursing home. We would go to Avilla again, but they have assured us that there is no change in her condition.

09.07.2010 Tuesday

Stayed around the house waiting on Home Health Care to arrive. They didn't call and since it's a different person every visit and since they seem very unfamiliar with Dennis' dressing it helps to have a consistent face in the room. Dennis has taken a "done-unto-me" attitude instead of engaging himself in his own care. He covers his head with a pillow and hasn't even tried to view the wound. He says that his one is too much for him visually and if he doesn't know what's going on with his foot it doesn't hurt. They finally came in the early afternoon and by the time this nurse was finished it was too late to go to the afternoon class. I did make it to my evening class, but I was so totally lost that it was discouraging. I'm beginning to believe that I cannot live without a laptop and an internet connection in class. I didn't realize how much I rely on the internet and instant access to look up terms that I'm unfamiliar with or other sources for something mentioned in class or by a classmate. The internet really does enhance learning and maybe creativity! I just know that I need that technological aid to make learning more relevant for me. One of Den's first evenings alone and he survived. I had to walk a rather anxious dog, but all else was well...

09.06.2010 Monday Labor Day

Labor Day was wierd! The Gnaps had to work today since they are BSU chefs and BSU students have to eat. James and Holly were in Indianapolis to be with her family and so for James to have a vacation day from babysitting, Kristen filled in for him. We had a quiet day here. I am writing this entry after-the-fact and I don't remember anything remarkable about the day except that I was not in Fort Worth for Heidi's birthday as I had planned all summer. I cooked alot for the upcoming week, trying to get things into the refrigerator that Dennis can eat and making sure that the rest of the house is still diabetic friendly. I did get the kitchen reorganized and an extra shelf set up. It's very very pleasant to have things in order and orderly. I'm making myself a bit OCDC with keeping the spaces clean once I get them that way. I know that I should be getting either a quilt done or homework going, but I just cannot wrap my brain around it. My folks will be coming back from Missouri soon and having them at our house is always a stressor. Probably not for them, but definitely for me. It's that first-born thing of "not good enough." I wonder how old I'll be when I stop seeking their approval? Ed said that he never felt that Dorothy approved of him. Dennis says the same thing and so does Peg. I hope I can learn from that mistake to convey to my children that I'm proud of them and not disappointed in their shortcomings. There definitely is no one perfect...or even close!

09.05.2010 Sunday Labor Day Weekend

Actually spent the day resting.

Sometimes I sits
Sometimes I sits hard

09.04.2010 Saturday Labor Day Weekend

The Gnaps left for Barberton, Ohio this morning. We are waiting on Home Health Care to arrive for the Saturday dressing. It did, indeed, rain a little bit this morning. The wonderful act of putting all the stuff back into the Studio turned out to be a blessing in disguise because the stuff was put in just to get it out of the rain, so that means that it all has to be brought back out, organized and returned. Good and bad.

Calls and emails about Dorothy's condition took a good amount of time. It was bittersweet seeing her in her pleasant condition, as it made it easier to "let her go" but also clouded our former memories of her as alive and vibrant. Kind of a limbo day. I should be hitting the books, but I'm doing well to check Blackboard occasionally and send an e-mail or two. I am so thankful for the understanding about this entire situation. It should actually be easier once Dorothy is at peace. We all won't be so jumpy with each telephone call.

The Home Health Care nurse was very chatty and had a husband who had survived the same condition about 10 years ago. It was good that she wanted to share what worked and didn't for him and also that he made a full recovery and was wiser for going through it.

We were both tired enough to just sit and watch movies this evening.

09.03.2010 Friday Wiring and Winding Down

Dennis is home and settling in to a routine. The electrician was able to come this morning to review all that needs to be electrified. He was surprised that we have another structure to illuminate. He came about 10:00am and then left to get an assistant and supplies. Jane called to let us know that Dorothy had taken a "turn for the worse" and also to let us know that they would be heading to Wisconsin to assist with childcare after the birth of their second grandchild in the north. Kristen and Kelly would like to visit with Dorothy. Dennis did not know whether to risk the nursing home germs or if his mother had a need to be in his presence at last time. We all decided to drive in caravan to Avilla since Kelly's children have expressed some curiosity about which great grandma this is and what exactly she is doing. Kelly is at a loss as to an age appropriate explanation so she hopes that the visual will suffice.

The electricians have returned and are hard at work to extend the trench we dug and make the wiring a reality. It turned out to be quite a hot afternoon and I have been kept busy keeping them hydrated. Kelly and Family have decided to leave at about 4:00pm (with Dennis) for the Sacred Heart facility so that they can "visit" and then return to Muncie at a decent hour. Kristen, Holly and I will travel north after the wiring is complete. This plan works until about 8:30pm when the wiring still is not complete and I don't know what is best. To leave nearly complete strangers with the run of our house or to be up all night on the highway. Dorothy won't know what time we are there and the nursing home has no visiting hours. Finally Kristen forces the decision by becoming intolerant of any further delay. The electricians overhear our discussion and share that they, too, lost loved ones to alzheimer's and that they will lock up when they are finished. We pay their bill and head out. The Gnaps plus Dennis are on their way back to Muncie. Dennis is not effected but Kelly is deeply upset with seeing her grandmother so close to death. They warn us what to expect which helps. We three have a nice drive and chat the entire time. Seeing Dorothy is quite a shocking experience. We really haven't seen her since Mother's Day when she was in great physical shape, and not unpleasant. She just peppered us with the same questions. Kristen, like her sister, was too upset to speak and cried continuously the entire hour we were there. Holly had a vested interest the nursing care and since she wasn't very close to Dorothy, this clinical curiosity helped her through the evening. The ride home was more therapeutic than fun, but we made good time and were home by about 1:00am. The electricians finished about midnight and even moved the studio items back into the quilt cottage because they were afraid of rain in the morning. What great people!! A long hard day, but we all fell into beds, glad that it is over!

09.02.2010 Thursday Saying Good-bye to the Laptops

Got through the first night with no incidents. Glucose numbers were good. I spent the entire day cooking no carb foods and counting out meals for him that were satisfying and not hard on his glucose. A long day. I don't know how I'm going to do all of this.

Went to campus armed with both of my non-working laptops hopeful that the Tech Time gurus can fix them and get me back into the student role. After about 3 hours of tinkerings, the verdict came that the Dell has a dead motherboard. They were able to transfer my files from the hard drive to a portable hard drive I had taken with me. That's good. The netbook also is d.o.a. It is so full of cookies that the teeny little harddrive is too full for the processor to boot. No boot...no way to clean out the cookies. Bummer!

Missed the first football game. Could hear the excitement from the patio. I felt badly that Kristen didn't have anyone to go with. Dennis and Lucky (the kitten formerly known as TJ) have made very good friends. He loves it tht Lucky and Chewy frolic all over the house.

09.01.2010 Wednesday Busted Outta' BMH!

Hurry up, hurry up ..... wait, wait, wait! Again, no one seems to know who's got the final word. Dennis had his clothes on early this morning. He's ready to be gone. He's tired of a hospital bed and the interrupted sleep and hospital meals and being in the same room all the time. This is all good because he now has the motivation to not come back. I spent the afternoon cleaning out all the nooks and crannies where Dennis has stashed "goodies...in case he goes low (hypoglycemic)" Yeah right! He had alot of things that hidden that aren't necessary and even though it kills me to throw away foodstuffs but I had to do it ...for the good of Dennis and his foot.

My early prediction needing a pickup truck to drag all of the stuff home turned out to be true. I did drive the truck because I thought it would be easier for him to get into and have more room for his tootsie....and it did, in fact, take the entire bed of the truck to bring home all of the medical supplies, etc. The transfer from hospital to home was smooth for him and a ton of work for me. I took over as pharmacist, nurse, laboratory, dietician, endocinologist, wound specialist, press corp, cook, and adult day care! Den started his new life with his own room and new bed and private space to rest and heal.